I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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