I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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