So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
