Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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