She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Randomize