i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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