Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
