sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
