my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
bring money and cleavage
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
