These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
