In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
