just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
