I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
