what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
