There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
