Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
