Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
