I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
