he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
