he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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