Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
