i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
