dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
