proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it's like iHOP with fire
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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