Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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