The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
