I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
