I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
