Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize