Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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