I'm drive I can fine osifer
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
