wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
