i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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