Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
