Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
