I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
