your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize