after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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