please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
