This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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