I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
