I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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