Cold hands, warm shart.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
