its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
