it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize