Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
