actually, I'm a sock model
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize