everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we're so committed to being not committed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
