I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
