I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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