I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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