thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
