I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
