I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
