I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
