Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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