dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
