I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
