You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
PANTIES FOUND
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