dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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