i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
