one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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