Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
