There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
