So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
