This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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