Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
