dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
