I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
