I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
