Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
