I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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