i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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