At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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