i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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