I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
