I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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