Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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